In a recent conversation, an adoptive mother shared with us about her daughter’s reunion experience. Her daughter and birth mother had been reunited after 18 years. When asked the question by others, “Didn’t you feel threatened witnessing your daughter meeting her birth mother for the first time?” Her response was an immediate “No, absolutely not. Would you feel threatened if your daughter had a hole in her heart her entire life, and you found the one individual who could fill that hole?”
This perspective, though not always common, was the natural response for this adoptive mother, one filled with love, humility and understanding. Adoption is about three unselfish parties coming together out of love. This is referred to as the adoption triad.
In an article entitled "The Two Sets of Parents Myth," the author quotes a little boy named Nick, a seven year-old boy adopted in an open adoption:
“The reporter kept asking him if he felt funny about having two sets of parents. Nick kept shaking his head, saying ‘No,’ and seemed annoyed with the question. Finally, Nick frowned, shook his head and said to the reporter, ‘You mean to say that I have these parents who love me all the time and I have these two other people out there who love me, no matter what, and that is bad? I don’t get it!’ Then, as if to clinch his argument, Nick stood up and asked the reporter a question. Nick asked the reporter, ‘How many children do you have?’ The reporter replied that he had two children, a son and a daughter. Nick looked him right in the eye and asked him, ‘Do you find it confusing to have two children?’ The reporter laughed and finally understood. It was not that Nick had found the perfect analogy but that he had made his point clear. To Nick, having two sets of parents was natural.”
What seems unnatural to some has the ability to make perfect sense when all is said and done. As reflected perfectly in the symbol for the adoption triad, adoption consists of three parties coming together from opposite angles to meet at the intersection of a unique kind of love.
If you have a story to share about your open adoption experience, you can share it today.
Source: Independent Adoption Center
