The decision to place a child for adoption is one of the most profound and emotional choices a mother can make. It’s a unique kind of grief that often lives quietly in the background, misunderstood by many. It is not the absence of love that drives this decision, but the overwhelming presence of it—a love so deep, it’s willing to let go.
I want to share my story in the hope that it sheds light on the truth of adoption from the perspective of a birth mother—both the heartbreak and the healing it can bring. Adoption is not a one-size-fits-all experience, and every journey is different. This is mine.
The Beginning: A Positive Test and an Unexpected Journey
My journey began on June 23, 2024, in a grocery store bathroom, holding a positive pregnancy test at 18 years old. I expected fear, but instead, I felt excitement. I had always dreamed of being a mom. Even though I knew I was young, I was ready to embrace the challenges that would come with motherhood.
The father and I tried to make things work, but in time, it became clear that the path we were on wouldn’t give our daughter the stability she deserved. That’s when adoption entered the conversation—something I never imagined I’d choose. But as the pregnancy progressed, I realized that loving her might mean giving her the life I couldn’t yet provide.
The Birth: When Love Meets Loss
On February 14, 2025, I met my daughter, Oaklee Mae. The moment I held her in my arms, my world changed forever. She was perfect, and in that moment, everything felt both right and unbearably painful.
Signing the papers, knowing that I was officially placing her in someone else’s arms, broke my heart. But I knew—deep down—it was the right decision. I was not walking away. I was walking with love toward the life I wanted her to have.
A Connection Through Elephants and Love
Oaklee’s adoptive family asked me early on what my favorite animal was. I told them elephants, not thinking much of it. But they took that small detail and made it a beautiful thread through our shared story.
From a necklace with a mother and baby elephant inscribed with “love you more,” to a stuffed elephant they gifted me, their thoughtful gestures made me feel seen and connected to my daughter. They honored me in the most tender ways. For privacy, Oaklee’s adoptive family uses nicknames for their children online—“Lil Pea” or “Peanut.” Though her legal name will change, to me, she will always be Oaklee.
They even allowed us to help choose her new name, incorporating meaningful family names. That process was not only healing, but it also helped me feel like an important and lasting part of her story.
The Dual Experience: Adoptee and Birth Mother
My perspective on adoption is deeply personal, shaped by both sides of the journey. I was adopted myself at the age of two. I was born into a home impacted by addiction, and after entering foster care, I was adopted by the most incredible family. I never struggled with feelings of being unwanted or unloved—I always knew my story was one of hope and second chances. Adoption gave me a life filled with love and opportunity.
Years later, I found myself placing a child for adoption, and that experience opened my eyes even more. I saw the assumptions and misconceptions people still hold about adoption. Some people questioned how I could “give my baby away.” But the truth is, I didn’t “give her away.” I gave her more—more stability, more opportunity, more love than I could offer on my own at that time.
Modern Adoption: An Ongoing Relationship
Adoption today isn’t always a closed chapter—it can be an evolving story. I still have a relationship with Oaklee. I receive updates, photos, and I get to visit her. Her adoptive parents have become a part of my family, and their compassion has helped me through the most difficult moments.
They make sure I feel included and valued. They allow me to love Oaklee from a distance while remaining a presence in her life. This kind of open adoption has shown me that family isn’t always about biology—it’s about love, commitment, and mutual respect.
Grief, Growth, and Grace
There have been days when the grief has felt so heavy it was hard to function. The ache of missed birthdays, milestones, and firsts is very real. But there’s also been incredible joy. A friend once told me not to feel guilty for experiencing happiness amidst the grief, and that wisdom has stayed with me.
In the midst of my sorrow, I’ve felt joy seeing Oaklee thrive. I’ve found purpose in the pain and peace in knowing she’s safe, loved, and supported. I’ve grown in ways I never thought possible, and this journey has reshaped the way I see the world—and myself.
I've also had the blessing of connecting with other birth mothers. Sharing our stories and supporting each other has made a powerful difference. Knowing I’m not alone has brought comfort and strength.
The Truth About Birth Mothers
People often call birth mothers brave, and we are. But bravery doesn’t erase sorrow. It doesn’t make the goodbyes easier or fill the empty spaces in our arms. Still, we choose this path out of love.
Birth mothers aren’t absent mothers—we are deeply present in our children's lives, even if not physically. We carry them in our hearts every single day. Adoption is not the absence of motherhood, but a different kind of motherhood—one rooted in sacrifice, hope, and unconditional love.
Looking Ahead with Gratitude
If you asked me whether I would go back and change things, my answer would be no. This wasn’t the journey I expected, but it has shaped me in the most beautiful ways. I’ve lost some friendships but gained new ones I wouldn’t trade for the world. The support and love from those who have followed our journey have meant more than I can express.
Oaklee is my whole world. My arms may feel empty at times, but my heart is full. I know her adoptive family will raise her with love, strength, and faith. I will always love her more than words can say, and I will forever be grateful for the way she’s changed me.
Final Thoughts
Adoption isn’t always easy, and it’s certainly not simple. But it can be beautiful. It can be a bridge between two families, between loss and love, between heartbreak and hope.
For anyone walking a similar path—know that you are not alone. Your story matters. Your love is valid. And your decision, however painful, may be the most courageous act of love you ever make.
I am a birth mother. I am an adoptee. And I am proud of both.
