Twenty three years later, I am still in awe of my open adoption journey. The relationships I have developed and the person I have become because of this adoption journey are beyond anything I could have hoped for.
I found out on Thanksgiving weekend, 2000, that I was expecting. At the time, I thought I only had two options…keep and raise my baby or have an abortion. I was in my final year of university to be a teacher and I didn’t have an income. Although I loved my baby’s father, we didn’t want to get married. I knew enough about abortions to know that I couldn’t have one.
When I shared this with one of my dearest friends, she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever heard – “When you think there are two choices and you don’t want either of them, there is very often a third choice.” The third choice for me was my divine option – adoption!
When I was around 7 weeks pregnant, I went to Catholic Family Services in Edmonton and worked with a social worker who was a perfect fit for me. She talked me through everything, asked me the hard questions, let me know what was coming (logistically and emotionally), and helped me be certain about my choices. As I was going through the decision-making process, whether or not to place my baby, I allowed myself to “sit on the fence”. When I first found out and prayed to God, I remember Him very vividly stating, “You’ll know when you need to know”.
I still remember the moment it was clear to me that I was going to place my baby. There are a lot of reasons I decided to go with adoption, but there are three that stand out the most for me. First, I desired openness. I felt that there was no way I could have placed and then not known or had a relationship with my little one. Second, I wanted my little one to have a dad around full time…my relationship with my dad is the reason! I see Grace and her dad together and I see my dad and me! Third, I had the choice to not be a single parent, and I think single-parenting is the hardest job on the planet. Once that decision was made I was able to start looking at home studies and portfolios of people looking to adopt. In total, I probably looked at 10 – 12 portfolios. To be honest, though…I knew from the first family I “met” that they would be the ones. No one could match them, I felt a connection. They had so many of the things that I wanted for my baby. Since the birth father was working out of town, I told him I would show him the top three, and he could choose from them. He chose the same family I did and I took that as a wonderful confirmation.
When I was 4 months along I was able to meet my baby’s adoptive parents. As soon as I met them I was connected. I could feel Grace’s mom’s calm, sweet, and gentle spirit. Grace’s dad was so fun and friendly. I said to myself, “Yup, they can raise my baby!” We got to know each other over the next five months through emails and a few visits. Emails were a fantastic way for us to communicate and ask and answer questions because they gave us time to think about our answers. As the pregnancy progressed, I was so sure of my choice, and God continued to confirm that I was following His will. He was making my impulsive choice into something really beautiful! I was a living testament to Romans 8:28. One of my favorite confirmations was when we talked about naming the baby at one of our visits. I had shared with Grace’s adoptive parents that I would like to have Grace as the baby’s name and I didn’t mind if it was her first or middle name. They looked at each other and shared that they had been talking about the name Grace on the way to the meeting!
September 7th, I went into labor. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. I had a birth doula with me, but basically, I was having this baby on my own. I called the adoptive parents and let them know that she was on her way. They said they would leave the next morning. I can’t even imagine how excited they must have been! On September 8th, Grace was born after a pretty fast labor. I called her birth father and he was the first person to meet her. That was really special for me and it remains a memory I cherish even though this would be the only time he saw her until she was about 13 years old.
I spent three days in the hospital with my Gracie girl. I remember telling my doctor on the second day that I was not ready to leave. He was so understanding and told the nurses that I would be staying an extra day because of my circumstances. I appreciate him for that so much! As the time grew near for us to leave the hospital, we participated in an Entrustment Ceremony, celebrated by a priest, in the hospital chapel. I placed Grace with her parents. It was beautiful, spiritual, and a divine gift…just like Grace. This was the beginning of my divine journey.
