It’s not every day you get the opportunity to connect with someone whose story has the power to inspire and heal hearts! In 2024, Courtney Cook, an author and birth mom, shared her adoption journey at the Replanted Conference—a gathering designed to equip and inspire parents navigating adoption, foster care, and kinship care.
Her breakout session, A Birth Mother’s Perspective, offered a space for openness and connection, exploring the intricacies of love, loss, hope, and self-worth in the adoption journey. For those in the audience, it was a chance to hear firsthand the challenges and triumphs of a birth mom’s experience—an invaluable perspective for those in the adoption triad, whether birth parents, adoptive parents, or adoptees.
Courtney’s message resonates deeply, encouraging all of us to reflect on the importance of connection and mutual understanding in adoption relationships.
So, grab a cup of coffee and settle in as Courtney shares more about her experience at the conference, her personal adoption journey, and the heart behind her book, Worthy.
Let’s start with your experience at the Replanted Conference. What inspired you to speak there, and what did you hope attendees would take away from your session?
The Replanted Conference literally fell into my lap. I received an email via my business page requesting a meeting to discuss speaking at the conference, so of course, I jumped on Google to learn more about the organization. Once I learned that it was specifically tailored toward adoptive and foster parents, I knew I wanted to be there. I’ve noticed that in many cases, the adoption world is separated between adoptive parents/adopted children and birth parents. I wanted the opportunity to be in the room with adoptive parents not only to understand their perspective, but to also share mine. I hoped that the attendees would take away more insight into my specific adoption journey, but also to leave with a bit more self-love.
Your session touched on themes like navigating emotions, self-worth, and the complexities of adoption relationships. What are some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned about maintaining relationships within the adoption triad?
Great question–the conclusion that I come to over and over again is that transparency and open communication have to be the way to go. Asking for clarification instead of making assumptions, speaking up for yourself, asking for what you need, compromising, etc. We are all human, and our needs and desires can change. It’s important to keep those lines of communication open.
Sharing your personal journey can be incredibly vulnerable. How has opening up about your story impacted your sense of worth and healing?
It is absolutely a vulnerable place to be. However, I tell people all the time that when I share my story, I am helping to heal bits and pieces of myself. My healing journey will continue for the rest of my life and sharing my story allows me to get insight into myself and my experience. I gain just as much from sharing as I hope people receive from my story. I’ve learned to forgive myself, as well as extend grace to others I feel have harmed me along the way.
Your book “Worthy! A book for kids of all ages” carries such an important message. Can you tell us about the moment or experience that inspired you to write it?
Thank you! I fell in love with reading at a very young age and I remember thinking to myself when I was about 5 years old that one day, I wanted my own ISBN (the barcode on the back of books). When 2020 arrived and I truly believed that the world was ending, I realized that there were so many goals I wanted to achieve and that time was running out. I decided I was going to get my ISBN and I knew it had to be fast. When thinking about what the subject would be, there truly wasn’t much thought needed. In January of 2020, I created an instagram page (theworthyreminders) and knew I wanted to share the knowledge of inherent worth in the form of a children’s book. So, I spent two days in a local cafe writing and illustrating my thoughts. The best time to learn your worth is when you’re a baby, so I intentionally wrote it with newborns to 2 year olds in mind. By the end of my weekend writing the book, I realized that the book could potentially be helpful for anyone, regardless of age, which is why the title is “Worthy! A book for kids of all ages”.
In your session, you encouraged attendees to listen with open hearts. What advice would you give to adoptive parents who are apprehensive about connecting with their child’s birth family? Or maybe a birth mother struggling to connect with the adoptive parents? Adoptee?
To adoptive parents: please trust us and include us. Give us a way to communicate with you (create a google voice number and/or a gmail email specifically for our communication if you don’t feel comfortable giving your direct info). Share our child with us (milestones, random day-to-day things, etc). Consider therapy not only for yourself, but also for our child. Navigate our relationship with facts, not fears.
To birth parents: You matter. Ask to be included in a way that you, the adoptive parents, and the adoptee are comfortable with. Speak up for what you need. Get into therapy and attend birth parent groups/events if at all possible. If you can’t talk to your family about your feelings, being able to have a community that understands you can be very helpful.
To the adoptee: You are loved immensely. You did nothing wrong. If you’d like, get into adoptee groups if you feel misunderstood or alone. Communicate your wants and needs because you matter in this world.
For birth moms navigating their own adoption journey, what is one piece of advice or encouragement you would share?
Advice: Research and ask questions. Communicate clearly and often. Get into therapy.
Encouragement: You are worthy. This is/was a huge decision in your life, but it is not the only characteristic that defines you. Strive to be healthy, happy, and whole–whatever that means to you.
Lastly, what does the word “worthy” mean to you, and how has it shaped your journey as a birth mom, speaker, and author?
To me, it means that I have value regardless of the experiences, relationships, and decisions I’ve made in my life. Knowing my worth has shaped me immensely. When I was younger, I didn’t know that I had worth; and my poor decisions reflected my thoughts. The journey that I have been on with learning my worth has been full of ups and downs. This journey now informs me as a person, which then shows up in my experience as a birth mom, speaker, and author. I am so passionate about worthiness because I have seen what a difference it can make in your life when you go from believing you’re unworthy to knowing without a doubt that you are worthy. I share this far and wide so that others can hopefully learn sooner than I did and begin to change their lives for the better.
Courtney’s story is a testament to the resilience, courage, and love that underpin the adoption journey. Her words remind us all—whether we’re navigating adoption, supporting someone who is, or seeking understanding about our own worth—that we are worthy of love and respect; not only from others, but from ourselves as well.
If you’re interested in learning more about Courtney’s book “Worthy! A book for kids of all ages” or her work, visit www.courtneytierra.com, www.instagram.com/theworthyreminders, or email at worthy@courtneytierra.com.
